Manly Friendships

Today few illustrations of true, manly friendships exist, in part because our culture of gender equivalence has destroyed manhood, degenerating manliness into effeminacy. Biblical roles in society have been switched and perverted, to the detriment of that which is righteous. "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter." Isaiah 5:20.

History provides innumerable examples of strong, manly friendships and the impact they have on society, especially during times of hardship and crisis. A "manly friendship" does not simply signify a friendship between two men. Instead, a real "manly friendship" takes place between earnest men bent on building up and edifying each other in the Lord. One example is the beautiful friendship of David and Jonathan.

The Bible says that Jonathan and David's hearts were knit together. They became as one, firmly joined. Even though Jonathan was likely much older than David, they were true to each other in a companionship the likes of which are not often seen today.

Their relationship was beautiful. Several distinct and separate covenants were made between them, binding one to another. One of the most fascinating aspects of the friendship was Jonathan's response to the anointment of David as successor to Saul. As the son of Saul, King of Israel, Jonathan was heir to his father's throne. When the prophet Samuel, by the Lord's direction, annoited David as the next king of Israel, he changed the process of succession. Instead of becoming bitter and lashing back at David, as Saul did, Jonathan accepted the Lord's command, and protected his now endangered friend.

Friendships should be used to edify and build up both participants. Most modern Americans think of friends as people you "hang out" with, talk to about the latest movies, and try to be "cooler" than. True friends edify each other. They hold themselves accountable, discussing weighty and meaningful matters. Many modern relationships are short-lived, and then hung out to dry while the participants move on to other things. Loyalty is rarely seen.

In contrast, David mourned the death of Saul and Jonathan, the men he called father and brother, with a heart-felt emotion. His words dwelt entirely on the good Saul accomplished during his reign, and the prosperity Israel attained under his leadership. There was no bitterness for the years David spent running for his life from Saul and his soldiers.

Another example of manly friendship in critical times is the relationship of George Washington with his military staff and generals. During the long, hard years of the American War for Independence, Washington worked night and day with these men, learning their manifold strengths and weaknesses. In his letters, Washington referred to his staff as his "family," and they were fiercely loyal to their beloved general.

The Marquis de Lafayette was one of Washington's most trusted generals. This Frenchman was young enough to be the Commander-in-chief's son, and was treated much like one. Lafayette's bond was so strong that when his wife bore him a son, he named the child "Georges Washington" after his father-figure.

The Marquis was not the only general to have a deep friendship with Washington. Both Henry Knox and Nathaniel Greene loved and respected their commander, and were loved in return.Washington tenasciously backed his generals, always taking the blame of a lost battle or unsuccessful campaign upon his own shoulders. In 1776, Greene was in command at Fort Washington, a strategic position situated on the Hudson River. When this fort was captured by the British, public outrage rose against Greene, but Washington did not falter in his support for his friend. Notwithstanding Greene's loss of the fort, Washington kept him in his position of authority, and the General proved himself worthy of such trust in the crucial campaigns in the south.

We need to be careful with whom we have close friendships. Proverbs 22:24 says "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go." We cannot, and should not, be closely involved in the life of those who are not following God's Law. How can we edify each other if our friend is rejecting the very precepts of God's Word?

An example of the wrong type of friend is found in Esther chapter five, where Haman wishes to destroy Mordecai. The wicked ruler's friends counsel him to build a gallows in order to hang the faithful Jew. Instead, the Law of God triumphs and Haman is hung on the gallows built by his friends' advice.

So, what does this have to do with R. M. Ballantyne? Well, Ballantyne strove to make his characters manly men, and to involve them in manly friendships. My favorite example is the relationship between the three heroes of The Coral Island. Ralph, Peterkin, and Jack, are cast onto a deserted island where they must fend for themselves. Do you think they begin bewailing their unprotected condition, and complaining about their shipwreck? No!

The boys immediately begin to discover what resources are on hand, and to formulate a plan of action. Their personalities mesh perfectly. Jack, the eldest, has learned much by reading books, and knows how to build things. Ralph, next in age, is of a philosophic nature, and tends to keep his friends' schemes realistic. Peterkin, the youngest, is a humorous, lighthearted boy ready to try anything, and risk life and limb in the process.

Ballantyne's characters are not wimps. (In The Gorilla Hunters, he refers to a wimpy boy as a "muff"). His heroes are strong and courageous, as are their friends. In the book just mentiioned, the narrator, Ralph Rover, considers the subject of unmanly boys. He decides that "boys should be inured from childhood to trifling risks and light dangers of every possible description...in order to strengthen their nervous system." Language such as this can not be found in children's novels today!

In conclusion, I would argue that who your friends are speaks much about your character. How do you want to be known? As an earnest, thoughtful man who participates in meaningful manly friendships? Or as a weak, effeminate man who participates in shallow, meaningless relationships?

Let us strive to be the first example. Jesus Christ himself when a young boy was found discussing issues with his elders, not employed in children's games and petty conversations. The men he took as his disciples were strong men, capable of learning deeply of his wisdom. Those who thought too much of worldly pleasures were left behind.

Let us be men, prepared for our high calling!

Tutela ex Vulnero,

John